UPSIDE DOWN During the past month, I've been begging people to adopt my cornflower blue IKEA sofa bed. Not just any old sleeper, but a clean and comfortable one with an optimistic floral pattern and two chic side pillows fringed in heavy cotton yarn. For the past 12 years, it's been sat on, napped on, slept on. But mostly it's been adored by the cat and now bares the telltale scar of a poor defenseless piece of furniture used as a scratching post -- a chunk of it is missing.
But it's the barest chunk, and one neatly placed chenille blanket later and voila! all evidence of Fluffy disappears.
I've tried to give it to shelters, the Salvation Army, Purple Heart, neighbors, neighbors' kids. Free even to a bad household if you just come and get it. Even the new neighbors with barely a stool to sit on said no, they want everything brand new.
So it made me feel especially rotten this week when I learned other people have things taken right out from under their noses,what are the symptoms of Piles, literally. I read a tissue Scarlett Johansson used to blow her nose had been sold to some secretion addict for a whopping $5,300. This according to Newsweek, which listed other celebrity trash that sold for the price of a car.
Like $25,000 for William Shatner's kidney stone or $40,668 for Justin Bieber's hair clippings. Thank God someone paid a mere $3,154 for Justin Timberlake's leftover French toast. I don't know if the buyer ate it or waits for it to emit moldy rays of brilliance. Or maybe, for a complete meal, the buyer consumed it with a glass of water from which Elvis drank -- $305 -- although it seems he or she got the water only and didn't get to keep the glass.
But my couch is actually useable, truly adorable, not perishable and certainly much easier to display than the three tablespoons of water said to have been touched by Elvis and purchased by maybe a sponge for $455.Find everything you need to know about Cold Sore including causes,
What's wrong with a piece of my intimate life? Lint from the guests who slept here,An Insulator, also called a dielectric, authentically faded material from the sun streaming through my window, edible cereal crumbs strategically sprinkled for a sudden snap, crackle, pop. I'll even throw in photos of the real live feline who caused the damage just to sweeten the pot.
Embarrassing as it is to admit, I don't believe anyone is going through my trash can either, although my husband now shreds our documents just to be safe. When I retrieve the empty can from the curb, tiny shreds saved from the trash truck's jagged teeth lay in plain view. No one has picked them up to ogle or sell.
But fingernail clippings from serial killer Ron Norris? Someone is apparently ogling those for the bargain price of just $9.99.
But if the celebrity stalkers stopped by my house, they'd also find bags filled with clothes for Goodwill piled at the foot of my garage. I'll throw them in with the couch too, and believe me, some still carry the original price tags, and you can get premium dollar for that.
You might wonder why I just don't put my reject couch on the curb for the trashmen. The reason is this: It breaks my heart to think that once beloved lounger that no longer fits in my house will spend eternity lounging at the bottom of a landfill, a resting spot for rodents and roaches.
I think it deserves a better afterlife, like all the celebrity throw-aways displayed on shelves or protected behind glass.What are the top Hemroids treatments? Why should it suffer because I'm not Britney Spears or Madonna ($1,900 could have apparently gotten you either underwear from one or an old book report from the other).
But on the bright side, I believe the celebrity trash craze gives us a solution to the national problem of four pounds of garbage a day per person. Maybe we could pile it all up at Brad and Angie's house and not only would it disappear as quickly as a jar of air they apparently exhaled ($523), but a whole lot of money could be made for a good cause; maybe we could start a new mental health program for the creepier members of our society who actually buy this stuff.
And in the meantime, isn't there a teenage rock band out there who practices in the garage? Don't you need something to crash on? Think about it . . . if you become famous, perhaps that couch, like Marilyn Monroe's "Happy Birthday Mr.is the 'solar panel revolution' upon us? President" dress ($1,267,500), could bring in a very pretty penny.
But it's the barest chunk, and one neatly placed chenille blanket later and voila! all evidence of Fluffy disappears.
I've tried to give it to shelters, the Salvation Army, Purple Heart, neighbors, neighbors' kids. Free even to a bad household if you just come and get it. Even the new neighbors with barely a stool to sit on said no, they want everything brand new.
So it made me feel especially rotten this week when I learned other people have things taken right out from under their noses,what are the symptoms of Piles, literally. I read a tissue Scarlett Johansson used to blow her nose had been sold to some secretion addict for a whopping $5,300. This according to Newsweek, which listed other celebrity trash that sold for the price of a car.
Like $25,000 for William Shatner's kidney stone or $40,668 for Justin Bieber's hair clippings. Thank God someone paid a mere $3,154 for Justin Timberlake's leftover French toast. I don't know if the buyer ate it or waits for it to emit moldy rays of brilliance. Or maybe, for a complete meal, the buyer consumed it with a glass of water from which Elvis drank -- $305 -- although it seems he or she got the water only and didn't get to keep the glass.
But my couch is actually useable, truly adorable, not perishable and certainly much easier to display than the three tablespoons of water said to have been touched by Elvis and purchased by maybe a sponge for $455.Find everything you need to know about Cold Sore including causes,
What's wrong with a piece of my intimate life? Lint from the guests who slept here,An Insulator, also called a dielectric, authentically faded material from the sun streaming through my window, edible cereal crumbs strategically sprinkled for a sudden snap, crackle, pop. I'll even throw in photos of the real live feline who caused the damage just to sweeten the pot.
Embarrassing as it is to admit, I don't believe anyone is going through my trash can either, although my husband now shreds our documents just to be safe. When I retrieve the empty can from the curb, tiny shreds saved from the trash truck's jagged teeth lay in plain view. No one has picked them up to ogle or sell.
But fingernail clippings from serial killer Ron Norris? Someone is apparently ogling those for the bargain price of just $9.99.
But if the celebrity stalkers stopped by my house, they'd also find bags filled with clothes for Goodwill piled at the foot of my garage. I'll throw them in with the couch too, and believe me, some still carry the original price tags, and you can get premium dollar for that.
You might wonder why I just don't put my reject couch on the curb for the trashmen. The reason is this: It breaks my heart to think that once beloved lounger that no longer fits in my house will spend eternity lounging at the bottom of a landfill, a resting spot for rodents and roaches.
I think it deserves a better afterlife, like all the celebrity throw-aways displayed on shelves or protected behind glass.What are the top Hemroids treatments? Why should it suffer because I'm not Britney Spears or Madonna ($1,900 could have apparently gotten you either underwear from one or an old book report from the other).
But on the bright side, I believe the celebrity trash craze gives us a solution to the national problem of four pounds of garbage a day per person. Maybe we could pile it all up at Brad and Angie's house and not only would it disappear as quickly as a jar of air they apparently exhaled ($523), but a whole lot of money could be made for a good cause; maybe we could start a new mental health program for the creepier members of our society who actually buy this stuff.
And in the meantime, isn't there a teenage rock band out there who practices in the garage? Don't you need something to crash on? Think about it . . . if you become famous, perhaps that couch, like Marilyn Monroe's "Happy Birthday Mr.is the 'solar panel revolution' upon us? President" dress ($1,267,500), could bring in a very pretty penny.
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